ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
