I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
