she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
