I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
