Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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