bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
