Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize