god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
