his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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