im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
