if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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