Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
