when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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