I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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