that's an acceptable place to lick
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
