Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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