I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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