drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
