the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
