oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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