I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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