I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
