come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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