i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I stole a fireplace last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
