Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
