so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this will be a night to untag.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
