Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
