Do you still have your period?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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