Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
