So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
