I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
