Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Randomize
