You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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