Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
