watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
