all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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