He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
