She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As shirtless as possible
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize