How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
