She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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