I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
