His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
