First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
