the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Randomize
