Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
