her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize