can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
