Soap is not a condiment
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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