My friends, they love my intelligence
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
