im drinking this country out of the recession.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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