How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
