Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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