She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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