I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your penis caused this!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize