Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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