I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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