youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
