I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
