He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
