She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
