Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
