is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
