I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
