fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
