allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
are you so shy because you have an std?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
