Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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