i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
