So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
