Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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