im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
