Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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