Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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