U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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