I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize