Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
