Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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