Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
