I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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