my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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