hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
