the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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