God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
