its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
