Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize