if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
