He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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