physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize