so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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