Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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