i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
