Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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