First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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