Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
