last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
